FIRST ANNIVERSARY

Anniversaries are a time for gifts.
For the anniversary of Joaquims passing I received 4 gifts.
2 of those gifts I would prefer to give back.

The first gift.
A new Acronym to add to my name.

BLM…………….

Who would have imagined I would ever write that alongside my name.

Samantha Jane deLeca- BLM.

I proudly carry many other acronyms.

HBM- home birthing mum

EBFM_ exclusively breasfeeding mum
SAHM- stay at home mum

WHSM- waldorf home schooling mum

APM- attachment parenting mom

NPDM- non punitive discipline mum

Now, after reading blogs from other bereaved mums, I came across this new one that I qualify for.

BLM......................................................baby loss mum

The second gift, was a document from the hospital. 

The final bloodwork from Joaquims hospital file. 

To further highlight the inadiquacies and incompitancies of the South African medical profession, please note how they labeled my beautiful Joaquim Phoenix deLeca, as a 2 month old infant FEMALE> and they misspelled him name :).....

 The third gift, a teddy bear with leukemia sunflower headband

From my dear dear friends, who took us away for the weekend to their home at the Vaal dam, where they allowed me the time to meander along the water and reminisce, or grab a mountain bike and head out somewhere in the reserve and reflect, or open a bottle of Amarula and listen patiently as I recalled the events that took place a year ago. Friends who hugged me when I broke down, fed me, and entertained my children for me. The teddy is pictured here in the babysleeping bag that Joaquim was wearing a year ago, on his little alter that we made for the weekend with a candle we burnt for 105 hrs.. 

 The fourth gift- a laminated card

Made from the rose petals that we threw on his coffin as they drove him away. My friends had kept these petals for a year, unbeknown to me, and made them into a heart shape, and laminated them.

 To quote another dear frient who I have met through this journey of grief, "Those who should, dont. And those you never imagined would, do. Focus on the doers, because if you cannot stand with me in times of sorrow, you do not deserve to dance with me in times of joy".http://www.onceamother.blogspot.com

This past year has taught me many things.
One of those things I have learnt is how to filter out those who truly care and want to be there. As hard as it is, some of you have toughed it out, and held my hand on this journey. And I thank you for that.