Day 9 - special place

Day 9 – Special Place

This was a real toughie for me. I have been stressing over it since the first time I read the day’s photo requirement on the list for the month.

With our decision to cremate Joaquim, and my longing to keep him with me all the time, we have never scattered his ashes. We don’t have a graveside to visit on his birthday or his anniversary, we don’t have a special place to go and visit. I have tried to plant a garden for him, but my desire to garden and my ability to garden are severely mismatched.

And every time something that I plant in his memory dies, it is a horrible reminder to me of my powerlessness to keep him alive.

So today’s picture is our home.

 It is where I spent 4 months of my pregnancy; it is where he was born. It is where he spent 7 of the 9 weeks of his incredible life. It is where his family and friends came to meet him and were touched by his purity and love. Is where I have spent every day thereafter longing for him. It is where his brothers and sister played with him, fed him and rocked him, sang to him, dressed him and kissed him.

It is where his father would rush to after work to pick him up and not put him down until I took over again.

It is where he saw rain, sun, where he felt the wind and warmth, where he gazed in awe at the birds in the trees as he lay on a blanket in the garden. It is where he woke up in my arms on that last fateful day. It is where we release sky lanterns in his honour.

This is where I feel him. 

 He is remembered in everything we are surrounded by everyday, and I am so very grateful for each one of those memories